Logic of Skyrim
by KittyKingdom
Summary: What if the Dragonborn was aware of all the strange behaviors of NPC's and the weird glitches of the game? Adventures of the Dragonborn in unexplainable circumstances. Collection of one-shots
1. Brain Dead

**Brain Dead**

The Dragonborn slowly crept through the cavern. He honed his sneak skill to legendary level and there was no stopping him now. Slowly he walked along the edge of the path, stopping when he saw a bandit insight. The Dragonborn drew his bow and unsheathed an arrow.

"You're mine" the Dragonborn whispered and pulled quietly. The arrow loosed with a _'thwip'_ and struck the bandit right in the back of the head.

"Huh? What was that?" The Bandit unsheathed his sword and paced while the Dragonborn stared in disbelief.

"I know your hiding somewhere!" The bandit continued to walk around while the Dragonborn mumbled certain swear words under his breath.

"Hmm, must have been the wind." The Bandit concluded, visible arrow sticking right out of his head.

"…" The Dragonborn raised his eyebrow, shrugged, and unsheathed another arrow. He let it fly, this one going through the bandits' heart. The man dropped dead.

"Must have had no brains to injure." The Dragonborn mumbled under his breath. He watched as the bandit's friend made his rounds in the cavern and found the body. The man stopped and looked down, the Dragornborn was waiting for the chaos to begin;

"Someone's going to pay for this!" the other bandit said fiercely. The Dragonborn held his breath…and the bandit turned around and calmly walked away doing nothing.

"These people are crazy!" the Dragonborn hissed


	2. Awkward Companions: Cicero

**Awkward Companions: Cicero**

The Dragonborn entered Whiterun and hesitantly looked back at his companion. He dressed the man up so he looked like any other adventurer following him but the man was literally insane.

"Listen, Cicero, I'm thane here, and I want to keep it that way…so," The Dragonborn trailed off looking at the smile on Cicero's face with a weary expression.

"Just…stay here and wait for me." The Dragonborn ordered tiredly

"Spiders could eat my face off and Cicero would not move an inch!" Cicero cried.

Dragonborn sneaked a glance at the guards but they stood as stoic as ever. He breathed a sigh of relief and went to run his errands as quickly as he could.

.0o0.

The Dragonborn was haggling with some Khajiit caravans when he turned to Cicero to ask him a question;

"Cicero-"

"Let's Kill Someone!" Cicero said happily. The Dragonborn turned to the Khajiit in horror, expecting the man to be offended. He sat cross legged in front of his tent as calmly as ever.

"May your road lead you to warm sands." The Khajiit said pleasantly.

The Dragonborn looked suspiciously between Cicero and the Khajiit. One was smiling fiercely the other smiling amiably. Khajiit were known for being kind of shady, right? The Dragonborn walked away confused; a whistling Cicero chasing after him.

.0o0.

"Right, a guard is approaching…Cicero, act just as we practiced!" The Dragonborn hissed as they walked the streets of Solitude. As the guard came closer the Dragonborn hissed one last command,

"I need you to do this one thing, okay? Don't screw it up!"

Cicero opened his mouth to speak and the Dragonborn cringed; "Does it involve sneaking and stabbing? Ohh, Please say yes!"

The guard stopped and looked at him while the Dragonborn growled in annoyance and prepared to reach for his weapon.

"You hear the news? The Emperor has been murdered! Right here, in Skyrim. By the gods, if the Dark Brotherhood can do that, nobody's safe..." The guard shuddered and continued walking away from them while Cicero giggled.

The Dragonborn stared.


	3. Fireproof

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 **Fireproof**

The Dragonborn rolled, dodging the dragon's blast of flame. He was safe but the same couldn't be said for the Riverwood trading post. Drawing his bow; he got the dragon right in the face. It only made the dragon mad as it blew flames all down the street towards the inn.

Women and children ran screaming and the old women that always spoke about crazy things stood up, drew a dagger, and started hashing away at the dragon like nobodies business. The Dragonborn watched all this chaos, only to realize that nothing was on fire. He watched in bafflement as the dragon bit one of the guard's heads and flung him around till he flew in the opposite direction, his legs flinging about in a comical way.

The dragon spread its wings and took flight the guards drawing their bows for ranged attacks. The dragon flew back around and aimed a fiery hit right at the blacksmiths furnace. The Dragonborn, expecting an explosion, dove as far away from the impending doom as he could. After a few seconds of nothing and a dragon roaring in the distance the Draonborn rolled over, only to see the blacksmiths workplace completely unscathed. Or un-singed in this case.

Ignoring the continued pandemonium the Dragonborn curiously got up and examined the wood keeping the porch together. He leaned down and sniffed it. A regular woody smell assaulted his nose and he stared at it in perplexity. Taking off his glove he felt the wood; gritty, rough wood met his fingertips. The Dragonborn frowned turning around and observing the dragon that just landed. He un-sheathed his ax and dealt a killing blow, the dragon collapsing in the middle of the road.

The dragons flesh vanished away in pink swirly light that the Dragonborn could never get used too. He even thought he heard dramatic chanting all around him at the collection of this dragon soul. Looking up at the sky in suspicion, the Dragonborn looked around warily. Then, looking at the seemingly fireproof village he slowly started creeping away till he was safely past the gates before sprinting.

He didn't even notice that the villagers didn't seem to notice the once previously scale covered dragon alone in its naked boneness fell through the ground only the tips of its wings showing through the earth.

Sensing disorder, the Dragonborn ran faster.


	4. Animals of Skyrim

**Animals of Skyrim:**

The Dragonborn trotted down the road his horse tossing its head. He was on his way to Solitude and his horse was being good to him, even defended him quite a few times against wolves. Not that they were ever a problem but it was nice to have a companion who cared…and wasn't insane.

The Dragonborn stopped when he spied a bandit camp just ahead and got off his horse. The bandit camp fled his mind when, as soon as he dismounted, his horse flew backwards. His jaw fell open in shock as his horse flew straight into the sky and continued to bounce around. The body of the horse was stiff as if he were still standing on the ground as he flew in circles.

The Dragonborn clicked his mouth shut and chewed on his lip, looking up at the flying horse. Exhaling dramatically, the Dragonborn continued his way to Solitude, on foot.

.o0o.

The side of the mountain was full of bare caves. It was only a matter of time before the Dragonborn encountered a bear, if not a whole family of them. Even if he cleared out these caves a couple weeks ago, more always took their place. The Dragonborn swore that there was an underground breeding colony for bears, wolves, and trolls. The more he killed…the more turned up. It wasn't natural.

His thoughts stilled when he heard the tell tale sound of a bear and drew his sword. Rolling out from behind a tree he caught the attention of the bear…that was coming at him, with its arms extended and its feet gliding through the floor. The bear was frozen, just like his horse, and flying towards him in a friendly 'come hug me stance'.

Dropping his sword in horror the Dragonborn pulled out his bow and took a quick shot to the bear's head, only for it to go straight through doing nothing. Scrambling back he drew another arrow and went for the stomach. The arrow hit its target and the bear fell to the ground with a thump.

Slowly approaching the bear, the Dragonborn nudged the body with his toe. The arrow was sticking out of the bears head…not its stomach. Blinking a couple of times the Dragonborn shook his head as if too shake away the crazy and turned back towards the line of trees.

There, gliding through the shrubbery, was a majestic deer. It legs were as stiff and straight as a sword and its head was angled proudly. The deer gave no mind to the scenery as it gracefully soared as if it were on ice. Cutting corners like a pro and sliding carefully up hills the deer "rode" on.

The Dragonborn shot it dead.


	5. Giants

Writing this one was difficult for me for some reason, hmmmmm...

 **Giants:**

The Dragonborn didn't necessarily do anything to ensure the Giants wrath. He stayed away from their mammoths, no problem. But the normal, docile, _unless provoked_ , Giant just came running at him!

The ground shook as the Giant chased after him. Even when the Dragonborn was sprinting his hardest, the Giant always seemed to catch up. He knew that his only option was to fight. Spinning around and drawing his weapon, the Dragonborn engaged the Giant in a deadly battle. It was clear that he was losing from the beginning of the battle. The Giants "giant" club was taking huge points from his health.

When his health became dangerously low the Dragonborn turned to try and flee and regain his health; but, alas, his escape was timed to slow. The Giants club swung and hit the earth, and with reasons unexplained, the Dragonborn flew high into the air, legs swinging and arms flailing. Shooting straight into the sky, and passing the clouds the Dragonborn could see all of Skyrim.

Tears swelled in the Dragonborns eyes as he admired the view. Even if the circumstances of his flight sucked and he was going to die, he was honored. Defying the laws of gravity was a good way to go. The Dragonborn smiled in his death.


	6. More Than Nine Khajiit Lives

Sorry this is so late! Enjoy :)

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 **More than Nine Kahjiit Lives:**

The Dragonborn expected to fall into the warm embrace of the netherworld; not back too the giant camp looking out over a rock. Collapsing and breathing heavily, he inspected his body for injuries; finding nothing. Taking a few moments to blink in shock, the Dragonborn puzzled.

Why was he still alive? Last he remembered he was flying grandly over Skyrim. If the Giants club didn't kill him then the _fall_ would have. The Dragonborns eyes darted suspiciously, they were doing that more and more often these days, and slowly got up. Deciding it would be better for his health to avoid the giants this time, he slowly crept away.

The same thing happened two days later. The Dragonborn was happily slaughtering bandits in a cave when he stumbled upon a vampire surprise. Not expecting such an attack, he quickly died cursing like a pirate, before waking up un-harmed at the start of the cave. Feeling strangely cheated somehow, the Dragonborn walked away from the cave, pondering life.

As the weeks wore on the Dragonborn continued to wake up again and again from the most tragic and embarrassing deaths. Deciding to research on such a phenomenon the Dragonborn wasted _hours_ staring at corpses and asking probing questions to fellow adventures who gave the same generic answers each time. It was infuriating! His search to find answers turned up nothing.

He finally subjected himself to books. Worming his way into the College of Winterhold on his Dragonborn status alone, he raided the library. The only thing that remotely stuck out was a brief verse on legendary figures in history, the ones that came before him, it read;

 _The "Chosen" by the game makers will eventually die_

 _Unless you save, then you will live forever  
_

It was curious indeed.

Apparently he had this "save" skill and after losing all respect for those in the past who seemingly survived all odds, the Dragonborn decided it wasn't the worst skill/asset to have. The only thing he didn't like about his supposed immortality was he couldn't control when he was brought back to life. Once, he went so far back, he had to basically do a whole entire quest _twice_. Whenever this seemed to happen he swore he could feel someone looking over his shoulder constantly in annoyance.

He decided to ponder on that another time.


End file.
